Observations While Swimming

I have gone swimming before, and I have both pleasant and unpleasant memories of the activity. Actually, I can think of only one unpleasant memory, and that was from when our family was on vacation in New Braunfels in the very early 1990s. I was with my Dad in a pool and I fell off the cushion I was using to keep myself afloat. It was probably no big deal for Dad to scoop me out of the water, but to me it felt like I came within seconds of drowning. Around the same time period, our family went swimming occasionally at a local high school pool, which was pretty big and actually had swimming lanes. Of course, I also went to the beach a few times in my childhood, which is always fun.
All this to say that although I have gone swimming before, it has been many a year since I have done it, which made yesterday’s pool venture a notable event. I have a few observations from that event, and I will share them now – although to you experienced swimmers out there it will seem as if I am stating the obvious.
First of all, life jackets are amazing inventions. I myself cannot swim without one, and it is amazing how a simple piece of light clothing can keep you so consistently and comfortably afloat. I felt like a cork on the end of a fishing line – although there were no bites from any fish, be they “keepers” or not.
I will say nothing else about swim wear. Suffice it to say that there is a reason that this article is not illustrated.
My second observation is that one must keep one’s nose and mouth closed and stop breathing at all times if one is to be submerged. Otherwise, water goes into one’s nose and mouth and gets in the way of normal breathing.
Thirdly – sunscreen is important for swimmers on a hot and clear afternoon. I wore some and did not get sunburned. If I had not worn sunscreen, the water would have been the magnifying glass and I would have been the ant.
My fourth brilliant deduction is twofold – that everything is in slow motion while you are in the water, and that Michael Phelps is a strong individual. My sister and I had a pool race in which we tried to see who could swim all the way to opposite end first. It really wasn’t that long of a trip, and I’m not necessarily saying we were slow. But what I am saying is that the other people in the pool could have gotten out, dried off, gone to Taco Bell for a big burrito, and come back to the pool just in time to see me win that same race by a nose. That is why Michael Phelps must be a strong individual, because he can go very fast in the water.
Fifthly – and I know this will sound irrelevant at first, but bear with me – the California Raisins were not animated. They were real people that happened to have been in a pool for two hours before shooting their commercials and Christmas specials. I have no idea why water makes human skin wrinkle so badly, but I don’t like the feeling. Rubbing the palms of my hands or the bottoms of my feet in such a condition makes me make the same face as I would if I had eaten a sour grape.
My sixth observation is that swimming in a pool distorts all normal sense of weight, which is a good reason why astronauts train underwater. I may have felt perfectly lightweight and carefree while floating in a pool, but when I pulled myself up out of the water and onto the stone ground, I felt like I weighed nine tons. It’s really a strange feeling.
My last and seventh observation is that there is a way to get frostbite in summer. All you have to do is wear a normal T-shirt (not a shirt made of swimming material) and stay in a pool for a while on a somewhat breezy but very warm afternoon. Then emerge from the pool into the shade and let the breeze dry you off. You will feel as if you were just dropped off at the North Pole with no coat.