Text Messaging

You might say I have something in common with “the Greatest Generation”. No, I have never joined the military and risked my life to save the world from tyranny and evil. My connection with that generation (at least the one I am thinking of) is much less dramatic. You see, up until recently, I had not ever sent a text message.
I will graciously allow my readers to pick themselves up off the floor whence they have just now fallen in a dead faint (this is one of the great things about a written format; it never needs to be rushed and can even be paused and put aside at the reader’s pleasure). And once they have done so, I shall repeat my firm, astounding, and true assertion that I have, for the vast majority of my 25 years, never sent a text message.
You may wonder how in the world it could be that a person born in the 1980s, who is part of a generation that has not only seen but participated in the exponential rise of the use of all manner of technology, could not have ever sent a text message. Behold – and believe. It is possible. The simple fact is that I have never had the need to send a text message – and if necessity is the mother of invention, it is also the father of technological innovation. For most of my life, I have not been a particularly avid user of phones, being content to communicate with friends and family through writing or direct speaking. Moreover, I have not had a lot of friends who also communicate through text messaging and demand that I do as well. Thus it is possible to have escaped the entire decade of the 1990s and all but two months of the 2000s without ever having sent a text message.
But this has just now changed. My sister got married and moved away, and in the process she came into the possession of a brand new “iPhone”. This in turn caused her to think it a good idea to bequeath upon her poor relation (her brother) her old and not quite as technologically-advanced cell phone. Now, it is not a little relevant to this discussion that her cell phone plan included a certain allotment of text messages per billing cycle. Since she has moved to another city, she pressed upon me to keep that part of the plan so we could communicate via text message (for this is one of her favorite ways to communicate).
And so I find myself in need of learning a new skill. A reader may ask me if I feel left behind in the race of technology. My answer would be yes, and no. “Yes” because I realize that almost everyone but me knows how to send text messages, and does it quite well by now. “No” because I am also an extremely practical person. If I see no need for something at the moment or in the foreseeable future, I am not in a hurry to acquire it. And if what I do have at the moment suits whatever my purpose might be, I make do with it. And thus I have not been in a rush to acquire the skill of text messaging. And so I am content to be left behind by the frenzied crowd.
But now I find myself (albeit very awkwardly and somewhat shyly) in the company of text-messengers. Now, despite the fact that I have never sent a text message, it remains that I have indeed seen one sent, which gives me a rough idea of how the thing is to be done. First, I know that it must be “all in the thumbs”.* Pick out any young master of the art of text messaging, and you will see this borne out with clarity – their back is hunched at just the right angle, their gaze is fixed to the square centimeter upon a small device they clutch in both hands, and both thumbs are moving so fast that you can only see two small blurs. This is one of the things I aspire to, but have not yet achieved.
Second, I realize that text messages are composed using the small keypad of the cell phone. Each key represents a variety of different letters of the alphabet, as well as numbers and punctuation marks. All one must do is keep pressing a particular key until the desired character represented by that key shows up on the screen. I have so far gotten fairly comfortable with this layout, though it took me a while to figure out how to capitalize, punctuate, and delete errors.
Third, I have noticed, mainly through the text messaging art of my sister, that many practitioners like to abbreviate their language. They use shortened phrases like “ I will B there soon” or “Give me ur #” or “LOL” (laugh out loud) or even “M going 2 bed”. I have also noticed these kinds of abbreviations on social networking sites as well as email, and I hardly ever use them. Don’t get me wrong – I of all people know what it means to be economical. However, I also know the value of being precise when it comes to language, and I fear that an entire generation is being brought up that has lost the ability to communicate correctly with the full, unabbreviated English language. Such abbreviated communication may be very helpful in emergencies or situations in which time is of the essence, but it is not a method which I either prefer or endorse for most purposes.
Anyone who has text messaged or watched it being done knows, as I painfully do, the need for speed. Many of our better text-messengers have likely fired off the equivalent of “War and Peace” in text messages, and all in the past month. I have not so far attained to this level of proficiency. In fact, when my sister sends me a text, she has more often than not developed a completely new thought and message before I have responded properly to the first one. It is not that I am a slow thinker (for I may humbly say that I can think of and write something very quickly if I so choose); it is, rather, that I have a very small canvas on which to paint. A normal cell phone’s keypad is not nearly as large as a computer keyboard, and one who is unused to typing on a cell phone’s keypad often finds it difficult to get a message composed in a flash. And thus I warn all who would send me a text message now and in the future to never text me during an emergency. If you do, you may find that the emergency has spiraled out of control once I have responded. Some of you text-messengers may assure me that the speed will come in time. I will take your word for it, but I have a hard time believing that I will ever be as fast on a cell phone’s keypad as I am on a keyboard (or perhaps even with a pen).
And so, with this article I welcome myself (and invite my readers to join me in welcoming myself) into the twenty-first century. I suppose it is better to do so late than to never do it at all.

*Author’s Note: My left thumb does not bend all the way as my right thumb does. Thus my text messaging skills may be somewhat hampered by this handicap. I have not sent enough of them to know this with any certainty yet.