The following selections are entries or portions of entries from my personal journal.
Tuesday, September 11, 2001 – Just like 60 years ago, this must be a day that will live in infamy. I’m writing at 10:40 am, as opposed to at night before bed. The World Trade Center has been blown up, as has the Pentagon. We don’t know all the details, but four planes have been hijacked and crashed into their targets. Aunt Anne emailed to briefly say she’s okay. We didn’t understand at first, but Dad called later with the news. What a horrible situation. Hundreds, if not thousands, will have been killed. The country is in chaos and confusion. Is this the beginning of the end? World War III? God is in control. More details possibly later. Writing at 9:30 pm. This day has been horrible. The pictures on TV, of the plane crashing into the World Trade Center, the Towers collapsing straight down, and the people casting themselves out of the windows, were not easy to see. The Pentagon was in flames. President Bush addressed the nation and talked about freedom being attacked, a “quiet, unyielding anger”, and quoted from Psalm 23: “Yea, though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.” He looked grim and uptight. But he showed true leadership. It’s all really unbelievable. This is believed to be worse than Pearl Harbor. I think so. There’s been news coverage all day. Really, I can’t write in words what this day means, or what happened. Unbelievable.
Wednesday, September 11, 2002 – One year since the horrible day of 9/11/2001. Remembrances all morning long in New York, Washington, and Shanksville, PA. All the names of the 2,801 dead of the World Trade Center were read. Silences were observed at 8:46 Eastern, the time of the first plane’s attack on the North Tower; 9:03, the second plane’s attack on the South Tower; and the times of the Pentagon attack, the Pennsylvania crash, and the World Trade Center collapses (they stood a while, and the last one stood alone for a long time)…It is a very sad day today, but what is even sadder is that God is largely left out. Those 3,000 may have had a large number among them that died without Christ. Many also were saved. God, give us an eternal perspective, and grant true repentance for America….I perused the Washington Post from 9/12/01..It took two and a half hours to recite the World Trade Center names…I listened to the sad Adagio for Strings. Read last year’s entry for today.
Thursday, September 11, 2003 – It’s the two-year anniversary of that terrible day in 2001 when hijacked planes crashed into the World Trade Center in New York, the Pentagon in Washington, and an empty field in Shanksville, PA. It’s a more subdued day than last year as far as observances go. There was one with the readings of the victims’ names at Ground Zero by children who are relatives of them….There were quiet ones at the Pennsylvania field, the Pentagon, and the White House…I think the saddest thing of all was not the sudden unexpected events on that day, as heart-rending as they were; it was the days after, when the heroic rescuers pursued their tragic, lonely, futile effort to find survivors in the rubble amid the smoke and dust. That is the indelible image of 9/11. There’s not really any sufficient way to express all of these feelings – words can’t do it…To some degree here (to a greater extent in New York), the skies are as clear as they were on that Tuesday morning. Fewer people are flying those skies today…I’ll carry on my tradition of reading the 9/11 newspaper reports so I won’t forget what it all really means. I’ll also listen to Barber’s Adagio for Strings…At Ground Zero tonight, two beams of light stretch upward from where the collapsed towers once stood 110 stories into the air. Once again, read the entries for this day the past two years. Never, ever forget September 11, 2001.
Saturday, September 11, 2004 – It has been thirty-six months, three years, since the terrorist attacks. Quiet remembrances and readings of names were held today at Ground Zero, the Pentagon, and Shanksville, PA, without an orange terror alert especially for today…I still feel powerful emotion today; at breakfast I fought back tears as Jess and Dad were talking about their memories of 9/11. At supper, too, I felt sad. After I write this, I will pore over the newspaper articles and listen to the Adagio for String. I began writing a remembrance musical piece that might sound best played by strings. I thought of its opening notes right after 9/11. It begins in A minor, as the notes swiftly rise to a high octave, illustrating the majesty of the towers; after a small pause, they come crashing down to where they started, symbolizing their collapse. I am formulating the notes after that; I want it to be heart-rending and emotional, with portions of sad, mournful lack of resolution, but also with outbursts of sunny hopefulness and resolute triumph. I also thought of these lines:
Two great towers, standing tall;
Airplanes hit them, see them fall.
Thousands die, brave men rush
To save the rest before they’re crushed.
This is why we fight; this is why we’ll win;
Never forget – it could happen again.
I especially think about and pray for all those poor families – they’re just like mine, but with normal lives shattered forever by the evildoers. That’s why I am thankful for my life and family; it could have been me. Let’s all live each day in the spirit and memory of 9/11/01 and the days following. Never, ever forget.
Sunday, September 11, 2005 – The fourth Patriot Day, marking four years (48 months) since Al-Qaeda attacked our country in New York and Washington. What with Hurricane Katrina and time, this year’s remembrance was rather understated…It hasn’t been as emotional for me as it was last year, but it still is sad; it’s a day I can’t forget and never will. We never should…This afternoon, I saw part of a History Channel feature on the World Trade Center, covering its grand beginnings, the 1993 attack, and its fall in 2001. The images of 9/11 – the plane slamming into the second tower, both towers burning with thick black smoke, the collapse of the South, then the North Towers, the utter chaos in Manhattan as they collapsed in giant clouds of ash and dust, and the sad, lonely aftermath when they searched for survivors and then removed the unbelievable mountain of debris – brought it all back powerfully. Jess says we need to see “how it happened” more often, and I agree – not overload, but enough so we don’t forget. And why not forget? Because this war isn’t over. We need to realize what the consequences are if we we’re not vigilant and wise…Lord, may we take refuge in You. May You, first, be our Strength and Protection, and the backbone of all that is good in our nation and in its spirit. Let us return to You…Today, here and in New York City and Washington, it was sunny, clear, and warm, just like the day four years ago when 2,973 people died. Never forget.
Monday, September 11, 2006 – It has been sixty months, or five full years, since America was attacked on September 11, 2001. Today is sunny and warm with a few white clouds in the sky – just as I remember well that it was when I looked out my window (I’ve since moved my bed to the other, windowless side of the room) that morning and stared at the horizon to the east, where hundreds of miles away, chaos was ruling. There were no planes at all in that sky anywhere over America. It was that day that transformed me into a vigilant news-watcher; but before that I was less aware of daily events. So, I had no idea of that morning’s time line as I sat working on a writing course…Mom, who was about to go with Jess to run errands, had just gotten off the phone with Dad, who had told her the latest. She came down and said, “You’d better turn the news on. That was your Dad. Did you know they bombed the World Trade Center and the Pentagon?” She said the last sentence slowly. The Pentagon stuck in my mind more than the World Trade Center, of which I had only a vague picture in my mind. I felt as if I’d had the wind knocked out of me. I could barely breathe as I said “What?” and turned on the radio. They were carrying ABC television, with Peter Jennings’ familiar and now-silent voice. It was clear to me that our country was under attack, and I gradually learned the details over the radio. By that time, it was all over. It’s amazing how quickly it all unfolded. The first plane hit the North Tower at 8:46 am ET; the second plane hit the South Tower at 9:03. A third plane hit the Pentagon at 9:37. The South Tower collapsed at 9:59, and the North Tower stood alone until 10:28, when it also collapsed, each floor falling quickly on top of the one below it. At10:48, Flight 93 was reported to have crashed in a field in Pennsylvania, not far from Pittsburgh. In just two hours and two minutes, all the main events of September 11 were over…We saw the scenes on TV later that day and in following days. I remember how horrifying the footage of the impact of the second plane was, and how shocking it was to see people jump out of the towers. That night as I watched the world news, I couldn’t believe that, in America, the pile of rubble I was staring at was the remains of the once-mighty and presumably invincible World Trade Center, America’s tallest structures and New York’s most prominent skyline feature…Today we look back and grasp it, but we need to remember what it really was. As on all the anniversaries, we have calm, silent moments of memorial at the key minutes at each site; the names are read tearfully at Ground Zero; news people reminisce; and politicians make their speeches. But there was none of that on 9/11. That day was a day of incredibly brutal violence, chaos, confusion, dramatically unpredictable events, and unspeakable horror. Just seeing the mammoth clouds of dust from the collapsing towers bearing down to envelop all of lower Manhattan brings that home. It was evil and darkness in all of its cold, ugly nakedness; but it was also goodness, kindness, mercy, and love on display for the world to see as man helped his fellow man and grieved over the lost. It is an overlooked fact that many times more people than the 3,000 who died were saved out of danger and are with us now to tell their story. And the stories will always be told, and it is the people of 9/11 that are the most powerful. I sat watching famous scenes of that day this morning, and it all came back in a powerful way. We need to be reminded. Yet it didn’t bring that overpowering wave of emotion over me until I turned on the History Channel and saw a show about normal people’s stories and especially the photographs taken in the heat of the moment. The emotion hit me. And it always hits me whenever I think about the people. If I let myself, I could cry my eyes out thinking about it. And that’s okay. I’ll keep up my custom of quietly poring over the newspapers and listening to the Adagio. I always will. A clap of thunder just sounded. At least it was clear and sunny this morning, five years later. Never forget.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 – It has been 72 months, a full six years, since 9/11/01. Today has been such a different anniversary for me, mainly because it was a school day, and I was not able to focus as much as in past years on the meaning of this day…September 11 will always be a very special date for me, and I hope for all who were old enough to understand six years ago. The day itself will never be just another day ever again as far as I am concerned. I’ve written much the past six years about what 9/11 was like and about the deep emotion. I’m rather disappointed that the emotion isn’t there for me this time; maybe it will come later. It’s not that I have forgotten, as it seems too many have. We do move on in a way, but when it comes to 9/11, we must not simply move on. There is too much left to be done to move on. There is too much still at stake to not carefully assess and follow the lessons that day screamed to us. Have we learned? I fear that we haven’t, that we have fallen asleep again…Why is 9/11 so important now, six years after the fact? If for no other reason, it is simply because it could happen again on a far larger scale…We must understand the brutal nature of our enemies, and to do so we need only see the 9/11 footage which the politically correct news outlets rarely show anymore. We lose our resolve at the drop of a hat…we’re too distracted for all this “consequential times” stuff. If anything, 9/11 is a spiritual wakeup call…America is in her most dangerous time, yet she is least spiritually prepared for it. And now, a prayer on 9/11. Father, we pray for America. We don’t deserve Your mercy, but we ask that You would continue to pour it out on us. We are a sinful people, but I pray You would grant repentance and revival on a scale unrivalled at any point in our history. Please protect our people, our cities, our leaders, our soldiers, our first responders. I pray that our evil enemies will all be brought to the justice they so richly deserve. Lord, I pray that never again would a terrorist attack mar this great land, and may America once again be truly great in Your eyes. In Jesus’ name, amen. Never, ever forget.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008 -- …And, lest we forget, tomorrow is September 11. I fear many have forgotten and see that day as just another day now. It’s natural to lose sight of the event as we move farther away from it. But we can’t forget, because freedom isn’t free and we must fight to keep evil from our shores. With a hurricane in the Gulf, this promises to be a different anniversary, one with pressing distractions from an otherwise quiet day of sad reflection. This could be “our little 9/11”. When you’re facing a possible dramatic change of life as you know it, it puts your life in perspective, much like the remembrance of that clear sunny morning should. Still, we are dealing “only” with property loss – not, hopefully, the loss of our lives. THEY never came home from work. THEY never came out of those burning buildings. THEY never deplaned at an airport. We can try to pick up the pieces; THEY can’t. We should never take anything in this life for granted. 9/11 and Ike both teach us this.
Thursday, September 11, 2008 – Eighty-four months, or seven years, since that clear Tuesday that changed our nation’s history. Today has been so complex. The waves of deep, choking emotion that I have always had every year on this day since 2001 still came. But they have intensified as they combined with the overwhelming focus of the day – preparing to evacuate from approaching Hurricane Ike. It was the deep emotion of a past tragedy coupled with the deep emotion of the possible personal tragedy of losing my home that left me with a heavy weight much of today…McCain and Obama quit their mudslinging for a day and marked the anniversary together in New York…When we view things in the light of 9/11, all of a sudden politics seems so petty. That day we were all Americans – would that were true now. But the scenes of September 11 have become too familiar, in one sense because we wish they had never happened, but in another because they have become so much emotionless history, like the events of World War II or the Civil War, which we can rattle off without the realization of what those events meant and were like. Don’t let 9/11 become a storybook. Remember what it was truly like as it took place, and what the gnawing pain of those first anniversaries felt like. Remember how impossible it seemed that heavy machinery was rummaging through the rubble of the world’s tallest buildings hours after their collapse. Remember watching and re-watching the raw horror of people throwing themselves out of the flames and of planes violently smashing into structures they were never supposed to approach in such a way. Remember the shock that left you unable to grasp what had happened, that took your breath away. Remember the flag at the Pentagon, the unity of a nation, and the sad resolve of a president. And then remember the aftermath. Remember the grief at the National Cathedral. Remember the annual reading of the names. Remember the children who lost moms and dads. Remember the teddy bears and flowers placed at the memorial sites. Remember the overwhelming waves of sadness. September 11 is the worst day of the year for me. I never feel normal on it. But I never want it to be any other way. It shouldn’t be, because it was real and personal. I don’t ever want to get to a point where I don’t cry or choke back a strong wave of emotion at least a few times every 9/11. Today was hard because it was unlike any September 11 before or since 2001. I was barely able to scan the old newspapers because they were going out in storage with everything else. But I was able to scan a couple, and I still felt that emotion keenly today. That’s how it should be. Live in the light of it and never, ever take anything for granted. Tomorrow will be another day. But today is 9/11.
Thursday, September 10, 2009 – Eight years ago today we were in blissful ignorance of the dangerous enemy that was preparing to strike. “September 10” will forever be a symbol of that time in America – now forever lost – when a foreign attack on our soil was unthinkable, and when our strongest cities and building were unassailable. We had a sense of security – a sense that is never in any area as accurate as we imagine. Our security is only as strong as our awareness, preparedness, and dependence on God. I fear that in eight years we have lost all these and gone back to sleep. Don’t think that anything “can never happen”. Those who eight years ago today tucked their kids into bed, kissed their spouses, and went to sleep – all for the very last time – were victims of that which was never supposed to be a threat according to the best and brightest of our “experts”. Let them teach us their valuable posthumous lessons. Every day is September 10 because every day could be September 11, even if it be only in a very small, localized way. We must always cherish those we love, savor every moment of our lives (the good and the bad), and be sure of where we stand with our Creator – for it all could be gone very quickly before we know it. These are not lessons only for Homeland Security, or for politicians, or for diplomats. It is for each of us. They were us – only the names were different. Most of them led humble lives, just as we do. What happened then, to them, could happen now, to us. Live not in fear, but live in love, peace, joy, kindness, holiness, and the fear of God. They made us richer because we whom they left behind still have time to learn these lessons freely. They do not. Never forget.
Friday, September 11, 2009 – Ninety-six months, eight years, since 3,000 of our fellow Americans were murdered in broad daylight. As I began my day, I worried (as I have done the past few years) that the emotion would not be there this year, that the memory of that day would at last be swallowed up by time. But it was not so. The emotion still comes, but it cannot be forced. I found myself getting a lump in my throat as I watched the news. I had to bow my head and wipe away a tear as I drove, listening to the radio and reflecting. I sat in one of the buildings at school and observed how the cavernous architecture garbled all the voices and combined them into one dreamlike echo – and I wondered what it was like to be in those buildings before they collapsed. I thought I’d type out all my personal journal entries for this date and post them on Facebook – and as I did so I every now and then audibly choked back a sob. I found myself smiling at and greeting people I would normally pass by without a word. I found myself being just a little more patient with those drivers whose cars can’t seem to go over forty miles per hour. Today had that same quiet, sad, reflective, grieving quality that it should have. If we don’t stop to remember where we were on 9/11; if we don’t fight a lump in our throat; if at least one tear doesn’t trickle down our cheek; if we don’t find a little more kindness in our hearts toward our fellow man than usual; if September 11 isn’t at least a little different form all the other days for us, even only in feeling if not in routine – then perhaps we have forgotten. If 9/11 does not still sincerely produce some of these effects in all of us, then perhaps we should stop commemorating and regard it as little different than the shocking murder story on last night’s newscast. Future generations may well forget; I will not blame them. But not so this generation. 9/11 was our own unique rock thrown into the once peaceful, undisturbed pond of our existence. May its last ripple follow us to that distant shore. Never forget.
